I had every intention of going out on Saturday night.

I had every intention of going out on Friday night, too, but after waking up at 4 a.m. and working for twelve hours straight, I crashed early, caught somewhere between absolute delirium and tears from being so exhausted. And so I sent a text to my friend, wished her a happy birthday, and slept for ten hours.

But Saturday’s party was nonnegotiable. Saturday’s party was a tradition, an annual thing, and one thrown by a guy who works for Moet. Yeah. That kind of party. So I put on my party leggings and matched my lipstick to my shirt — matching my lips to other things is clearly a personal trend right now — and then…

I didn’t go.

I went grocery shopping instead.

Because although I worked myself up to get ready, which, if you keep score, isn’t an impossible feat even though I live my life in Nikes, I just didn’t feel like it. I didn’t feel like going to a party where I’d know only four people, or where everyone around me would become increasingly hammered, or where the point was to wake up the next morning and not remember anything. I’m twenty three years old, and while that’s still young, I think I’m phasing out of those kinds of parties. I’d rather not actually feel self conscious for trying to get another club soda with lime, because although it’s nobody’s damn business what’s in my drink, sometimes, there is still a stigma about not getting #whitegirlwasted*. And if there’s a stigma, maybe it’s not the best situation to be in.

[*Sidenote: I hate that term, but I’m using it to illustrate the point that it’s almost a societal expectation for white girls to become so drunk they can’t see straight, because they have zero tolerance or because they’re, um, you know… the s word. I am not classically a “white girl” but for all intents and purposes, let’s just say I am. So what if I can’t hold my drink? How is that your problem and how does that reflect anything on me as a person beyond the fact that my liver doesn’t metabolize alcohol as well as yours does? Would you like a medal for that? But I digress.]

But hey, guess what?

It’s perfectly okay to not put yourself in those situations if you don’t want to.

To not get drunk. To not go crazy. To have a quiet night in.

To not be a hot mess.

In January’s issue of Glamour, Anne Hathaway talked about how girls are increasingly pushed to go wild:

You know, we get a lot of pressure to define ourselves as women by how wild we are: How many guys did you sleep with? How drunk did you get? And we all bow to that. We’ve all done that walk of shame at one point or another.

But what if you’re tired of doing that walk of shame? What if you want to grow up? (And I’m not mentioning this because if anyone ever makes me into a Lifetime movie, I want Hath to star in my titular role, or because I’m being a hypocrite after last night when I started throwing hands up like I was Jigga. I’m just saying, sometimes, you just don’t feel like getting yourself into crazy shenanigans and you shouldn’t feel lame for that.)

Every once in a while, it’s fun to let loose with friends, to celebrate, to have fun. But I’ve realized that I’m a little wary now of the kind of party where the point is basically to get drunk. And so, because I didn’t feel like dealing with the kind of debacle where the party throwers — really, bro-er, because come on, it was a bro party all the way — posted on Facebook the next morning that they had no idea why they had woken up in the corner of their own hallway.

You don’t always get to pick which situations you find yourself in. Sometimes, you have to weather through places where you’re out of your element. And sometimes, it’s good to push yourself, because that’s where you grow. But sometimes, you also have to decide if going somewhere and doing something is going to help you grow at all, or if it’ll help you in any way, or if it’ll be beneficial at all. And if it’s not, and if you honestly decide it isn’t worth your time, that’s okay.

I went to Trader Joe’s and bought more gingerbread coffee instead.

And I’m okay with that. I’d rather enjoy my gingerbread coffee without a raging hangover.

@1 year ago with 20 notes
#life #writing #growing up 
  1. meandmyopinion reblogged this from andellasaid
  2. obeezyjay said: amen
  3. andudeln said: amen to that
  4. samsonspassion said: "I am not classically a “white girl” but for all intents and purposes, let’s just say I am." I like that sentence. I’m gonna try and gracefully incorporate it into my daily vernacular.
  5. regainingmymoxy said: I give you an A+, but be careful. Don’t cut back on going out too much or you’ll be me in 15 years. Last week was my reminder - it isn’t fun to just get obliterated.
  6. notherwise said: um. omg your fucking hair. hooray.
  7. andellasaid posted this